Manswers

No, I'm not talking about the moronic show on Spike TV. I'm talking about the way a man answers any given question. I've noticed that when I ask my fiancée a question, I'm exceptionally lucky to get a straight answer. Hell, I'm lucky if I even get an answer to the question I asked. "What time is it?" I ask. "Not time to leave yet," she replies. This answer may relate to my question, but it doesn't answer it.

This drives me batshit.

I believe that this is a trait of the feminine gender in general, not of my fiancée specifically. You ladies simply think differently than men. Men are concerned with concrete details; women focus on feelings and the underlying meaning of things. Ask a man how his day was and he'll most likely say, "Fine," along with a short description of his day if he's feeling talkative. As in, "Went to the bank, grabbed some food while I was out, then spent the afternoon reading comics and looking at porn." I call these "manswers;" straightforward and to the point.

Ask this question of a woman, and you're likely to hear an in-depth description of the day's minutiae, complete with commentary on the way this made her feel at the time, how it makes her feel now, and her thoughts on the impending collapse of Egypt's government. This is why we don't ask you many questions, ladies. We've got shit to do.

As such, I am hereby suggesting the worldwide implementation of the "Manswer Rule." If a man asks you a question, then directly answer the question asked of you, and do him a favor by giving him the Cliff's Notes version of things. We want cold, hard facts, devoid of emotional bias. Feel free to go nuts with your ladyfriends, but spare the men in your life from drowning in a torrent of feelings and tangential information.

This make man feel icky on inside. Man no likey.

In addition, when a man gives you an answer, feel free to take it at face value. While men are indeed capable of guile, we are far less likely to be sneaky and manipulative than you ladies (this is not criticism, it's just a statement of fact--we do not, say, create elaborate verbal traps to test you and your feelings). Thus, odds are good that there is absolutely zero subtext in 75-90% of our manswers. I should also note that if there are two ways to take what we've said and one of them is offensive to you, I assure you that we meant it the other way. We don't like to fight nearly as much as you do.

All that said, relationships are a two-way street. There are going to be times when the discussion at hand warrants an in-depth look at thoughts and feelings. As torturous as this sounds, guys, it's as inevitable as your desire for mood-altering substances once one of these discussions has begun. When one of these talks (often referred to as "arguments") begins, it's best to bow to the inevitable and go with the flow. Much like prison rape, the harder you fight it the worse it'll be.

The trick for both men and women is finding a healthy balance between manswers and answers. The better we understand each other, the easier it is to avoid unnecessary conflict in our day to day relationships, whether it's between you and your significant other, you and your family, or between total strangers. Less daily conflict hopefully allows us to live happier, more fulfilling lives.

Or you can just do what Ted and Robin did on How I Met Your Mother and have sex every time you're about to fight. But that could make family reunions a touch awkward.

--Gryffindork