Bitching About People At The Bar.....An Oldie, But a Goodie

Originally posted on Facebook, July 21, 2010.

There were a bunch of fucking weirdos out and about tonight, and apparently they ALL made their way into my bar.

Weirdo #1: Before I even clocked in, I had a server tell me about a lady that asked if we could remove the light over her table, because it was too bright. She didn't ask about dimming the light, she didn't ask about turning the light off. No, she just went straight for the removal of the light. Who does that? Yeah, because THAT'S the simplest option.

Weirdo #2: The lady breast-feeding her baby AT THE TABLE. I get it, it's natural and beautiful and blah, blah, blah. But there has to be some common courtesy there, right? Fine. If you're gonna breast-feed in public, then don't mind me when I "honor" the beauty of your actions by staring. Or asking for a sip.

Weirdo #2, part deux: The same lady drinking multiple glasses of wine. No, I'm sure your infant will enjoy the cabernet as much as you did.

Weirdo #3: The lady who stepped in a puddle OUTSIDE the restaurant and then asked our hostess if there was anything we could do about it. Yes ma'am, let me go outside and make Mother Nature stop the rain. Better yet, I'll go tell that mean ol' puddle that what it did was unacceptable and it should apologize. Better YET, I'll go back in time and make sure that puddle doesn't jump out from behind that bush and get under your foot. Because I'm sure it wasn't in the same spot the whole time you were walking down the street.

Weirdo #4: The girl who asked me to make her a shot...."Something sweet and something sexy; something AMAZING." Yeah, let me go put some Ryan Reynolds in a shot glass. Trust me, sweetie, if I had orgasm in a bottle, I wouldn't be wasting it on you.

Sincerely,
The Kevin