Fictional Flotsam

Hey you, with the cotton-candy hair and salamander eyes. I saw you looking at me from across the bar. You don’t remember? You undressed me with your eyes. I actually feel quite violated right now. Violated and alive. I feel like I need a cigarette after what you did to me. No thanks, I don’t smoke. How long have you been fantasizing about that? Just since you walked into the room or did it start when we met in your dreams last night? Gosh, you must be tired. From running through my mind all day. I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist once we finally met. I know you can’t get over my rugged five o’clock shadow; the way it tickles your thighs when I . . . well, you know. And you! You look quite breathtaking, in your black stretch workout pants and zip-up sweatshirt. Is that a Nike hat? Mmm, I like girls in hats. And that aroma. Is that . . . could it possibly the new Chanel? No? Perspiration. Ooohh, I like the sound of that. That sounds sexy! I’ll have to buy a bottle of that for my girlfriend. I mean my EX-girlfriend. Yeah, we were serious for a while, but it just didn’t work out. I’m sure you know how that goes. You find someone and it’s fun for a minute or two, but it’s tough to spend that much time with someone that is just so inferior. I don’t want to be mean, but it just got tiresome talking to her and her not knowing what I mean about anything. Not like you and me, the connection we have. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You’re special, I can tell. Me? I’m a skydiving instructor. Does that excite you? Hurtling towards the earth at a hundred miles per hour, not knowing if your parachute will open, wondering what the last thoughts will be going through your mind if you happen to die. I’m excited right now, just thinking about it. Oops, sorry, I didn’t realize I so close. I was on a skydiving tour once, traveling across the southland, and I met a woman who said that she thought she was going to die and the last thing going through her mind was chocolate syrup. Weird, I know. Do you like chocolate syrup? I do. I bet I can teach you to like it even more, if you know what I’m saying. Yeah, I know I’m forward, but what can you do? Especially with the chemistry we have. I was thinking about your sweatshirt again. Yeah, and how great it would look hanging from my ceiling fan. Shhhh. Sh-sh-sh-shhhhh. Don’t say anything. You know, my mom used to tell me that if I was patient I’d find the right girl. She’s going to be so excited when she meets you. I can tell by the tear in your eye you’re excited too. No, please, keep your money. Your drinks are on me. Please, I won’t take “no” for answer. I’m glad to be able to do it. Oh, oh, you’re leaving. Okay, well, another time, then. Believe me, I’ll be looking forward to the next time we meet. Next week? Same bat-time? Same bat-channel? Batman. The tv show. Nevermind. Au revoir, my sweet. Auf wiedersehen, my chicken dumpling. So long, my angel . . . sigh.

Hi there, pretty eyes, with your . . . pretty eyes and pumpernickel ears . . .

--TheKevin--