I don't know if all of this is a game. On the one hand, you hear people refer to it as the "dating game." On the other hand, you're often warned that "love isn't a game." But isn't dating supposed to lead to love? And if one is a game and the other one isn't, how do you move from the former to the latter? While perusing singles ads on Craigslist, you can find any number of women requesting guys that "don't play head games." Okay, but are love games allowed? And if so, how do I know what's good and what's bad?
I recently had a rematch with two of my ex-girlfriends (not at the same time, mind you, because I would have NEVER quit that game in the first place) and despite enjoyable experiences on both dates, I'm still left lonely and confused.
Ex #1: I might refer to this one as a perpetual re-start. We met eight years ago and dated for ten months. At the time, that was the longest relationship I'd had in my "adult" life (now that I think about it, that's still the longest relationship I've had as an adult). Things didn't work out between us, mostly because I discovered a lot of female interest in moi and I wanted to explore that; a.k.a. I wanted to date other people. Long story short, we ran into each other off and on for the next six years, never dating, but always having a good time and enjoying each other's company. Then, in the spring of 2009, we tried, once again, to give it a go. I felt like I was ready to be in a relationship and I knew that I truly enjoyed hanging out with her. Once again, for a variety of reasons, it didn't work.
Then, a couple weeks ago, we texted each other and decided to meet up and catch up. Over drinks, we filled each other in on the details of our lives over the last couple years, and, as she is wont to do, she started bringing up our failed relationship attempts with each other. This part of our evenings always seemed to bring out the current state of loneliness in both of us, and this night was no different. We agreed that we really enjoy spending time together. We agreed that we both had some things we needed to work on. We agreed that we both wanted the same things out of a relationship. Then we agreed to go home together.
The next morning we made plans to call and text and there were promises that she would try to join me for my upcoming birthday festivities. We did a good job of texting the next few days, but when my birthday rolled around, I didn't hear one word from her. And I still haven't to this day.
So was this a game? Was this a head game or a love game? Should I completely disregard the conversations we had and chalk it up to a lost cause? I may never know. Personally, I'm betting 100 quid that she got back together with the boyfriend from her freshly broken up relationship.
Ex #2: Crazy is as crazy does. For those of you who know about whom I speak, please don't judge, because sometimes loneliness makes us do strange things. And the strangest thing was that we had a really good time. Which I guess isn't so strange, considering we didn't have the specter of a relationship surrounding us. It was easy and laid back. And I went home alone.
So now the question becomes WHY CAN'T IT BE LIKE THAT EVERY TIME (except for the going home alone part, that part always sucks)? What is it about having announced that you're in a relationship together that seems to ruin or put pressure on the time you spend together? That date was enjoyable enough that it is seriously forcing me to consider trying to make another run with Crazy.
The thing is, if this is a game, there's no playbook to help me through it. I don't have a manual directing me to call instead of text, or whatever. As much fun as dating can be, it's also a lot of work. And I've never found work to be fun. Games are fun.
My best girl friend from college, Rebecca, may have said it best. One day, as I was heading out for a date, she called to me from across the parking lot:
"Good luck!" she yelled.
"Good luck?" I replied. "It's not like I'm going to a game or something."
"They wouldn't call it scoring if it wasn't a game."
Touché
--TheKevin--
In my experience, the crazier they are, the better they are in bed. And the worse they are in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteMy two cents, whether you want it or not.
I think knowing that ALL women are some degree of crazy when you attempt to "date" them is step 1 in the playbook.
ReplyDeleteWithout a doubt. But there's a difference between "she's a woman, so she's guaranteed to be a lil nuts" and "that bitch crazy!"
ReplyDelete